Optimism!

Wow, I'm so imperfect! It's so hard to become perfect!

I did actually learn a couple of things about myself through doing this, though! Have you ever noticed how with other people we normally think all about the good in them, and then we judge ourselves terribly? I try to be optimistic, but with myself, for some reason I just have a really hard time looking at the good!

As I was listing the things I'm doing well and the things I need to improve on, I noticed that I didn't really look much at the things I'm good at! I just focused on all of the things I was doing wrong! I have a little more than 2 pages of the things I need to work on, and not even a page of the things I'm doing well with! I tend to be extra judgmental with myself and look mainly on the wrong that I'm doing!

Obviously we should still be looking at the things we do wrong so that we can improve--but I think we often focus so much on the bad things that it makes it tons harder to look at the good! I have another story about this. Just this last Monday, after Symphonics Showcase, I was totally freaking out about the crazy crack I made in the a Capella song, and how bad I did. My family can testify to this--I just wouldn't stop talking about all of my mistakes. I felt like I did fairly well on the other songs, but I was just so focused on what I did wrong that it didn't really matter.

As most of you know--I've been trying to become perfect, and the first attribute I'm working on right now is optimism. When I started marking all of the mistakes I made, I realized that every time I had a negative thought (when I made a mark), I had to make a 2nd mark because I was even being sort of negative by looking on the negative and making a mark.

My former young women's leader soon after saw my blog post and emailed something to me...

I finally realized that even since I'm trying to become perfect (optimism especially)--counting my mistakes wasn't an incredibly great idea.

Here's a quote from the talk: "I believe the Lord can live with our weaknesses and mistakes, provided there is a desire and effort to repent. That is what the Atonement is all about." I think this is the key. It's important to not just accept our mistakes and not change, but I do think we shouldn't become despairing because we're not perfect! Sometimes I'm really upest because I feel like I'm not worthy. But honestly, perhaps the Lord's definition of worthiness is as far as you can do!

So it's important to look at our mistakes and to change them--but I think it's really incredibly important to count the good things you do, instead of always looking at the bad!

I had a voice recital a couple of weeks ago. I was sick that past week, so my voice was sort of gone, and I felt like I did terribly. The next week when I went back to lessons, my voice coach asked me how I thought it went. I told her that I really didn't think I did well. She had me say 3 things I did wrong--and 5 things I did right. As I was looking on all of the bad things that I did, I could've easily come up with 5 things that I did wrong--but 5 good things? It took me a minute...

It's really important to be optimistic, I think! I believe that being optimistic helps you to do even more good in the world! If you aren't so upset about this and this you did wrong--focused more on what you did well--while still being able to take critique from yourself and others, I think it's the perfect balance to improve even more! If you're happy, and able to take critique, but still hopeful for what you can do, I think that's the key! ;)

Love you all!

~Gracious

P.S. Sorry I got this in so late! :/ I had a Jane Eyre rehearsal a lot of the day, and then we had a reception to go to in Provo--I didn't get back until now! ;)